YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
