woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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