I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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