I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
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