What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
