I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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