I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
