I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
