peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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