yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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