Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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