i was born a porn star she said
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
