Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize