sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
