I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
