we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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