A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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