I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
