my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
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