I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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