Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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