I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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