I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
