In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
