please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
