Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
