you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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