ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
