Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
