I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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