guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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