Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
