So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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