Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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