i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
