I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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