My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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