All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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