I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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