Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
