He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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