i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
