she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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