Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
