i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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