So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize