he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
