No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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