Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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