I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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