Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
