I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pants are for mortals
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
