About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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