Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
