Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
