i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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