I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
