Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
