i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
