You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
