3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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