Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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