Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize