when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
