last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
