i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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