im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
