when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Heβs like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if heβs shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know Iβve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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