can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
