i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
