Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
