guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
