he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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