Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
