I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
